Group Dynamic

Cut people some slack.  Really, you never know what kind of a day they’re having, how bad their insomnia is, whether they’ve suffered a major loss, or whatever other darkness they carry.

Paul had an iPod in class, and earbuds in his ears.  This is a no-no, and standard procedure is to temporarily confiscate it for the day.  I reached out my hand, and he gave me a steely glare and said “It’s mine.  I’m NOT handing it to you.”

Uh-oh.

This is a bigger no-no, insubordination, and standard procedure can be anything from a detention to removal from class to suspension.

Big moment.  People are watching.  Precedents could be set.  What kind of message will I send?  Important to the story:  Paul is a nice guy.  Usually.  This behavior is NOT part of a pattern.  This is important.

I walked away as soon as he took the earbuds out.  I made no eye contact with him for the rest of the day.  I made sure his iPod stayed in his pocket, but that was the extent of my monitoring.

I walked away.  Paul got away with insubordination, and I ran the risk of setting a bad precedent.

I walked away.  What did people learn from seeing this?  Now, because I have a track record of high standards and good discipline (this is important), they did NOT learn “we can get away with anything”.  Instead, I hope they learned grace.

Because grace is something everyone needs to learn, and leaders sometimes act out of fear – “I’ll look weak!” we think.  Pick some moments to cut people some slack.

At least, you’ll inspire loyalty because you’ve shown compassion, and at best, you’ll teach grace.  And that can change the world.

I love this quote from Batman Begins (Click the quote to see the clip):

“Bruce, deep down you may still be that same great kid you used to be. But it’s not who you are underneath… it’s what you do that defines you.”

As a leader, parent, and trainer, I confess that I cringe when I hear someone try to pump people up with an “attitude is everything” approach.  While it sure is helpful to our own motivation to have a great attitude, it is unwise to focus on the “attitudes” of others, especially as a “cure-all”.  Why?  Here are some thoughts:

• Sometimes, a person can have a great attitude, but be a negative influence on others.  If I enter a group with an excited, take charge, can-do attitude, I might be totally ignoring the personalities of the other members.  What if the other members of my team like to take a slow, considered approach?  And what if that’s the best way?  My attitude might just mess things up, or at least show disrespect.  This can harm relationships and get in the way of achieving things.  Then, what I learn is this: having a great attitude is a bad idea.  Not totally true; using inconsiderate behavior is a bad idea.  A subtle and critical difference.
• Some days, a person can have a terrible attitude.  If that person has learned that “attitude is everything”, then on that day, that person might not try.  If a team member thinks “My attitude is terrible today, so I am useless,” then their contribution will surely suffer, andtheir day will probably be lousy.  That person is wrong about attitude: if their behaviorcontributes, then that is what matters, and can move the team forward, even on a bad day.
• If you are the boss/manager/coach/teacher/leader, and you see a “bad attitude” on your team, it is generally useless to address the attitude, because it is nebulous and internal.  However, if you focus on the behavior, you can experience success.  Consider these two approaches:
  • “Hey Julie, shape up that attitude!  You’re bringing everybody down.  Fire up!”
  • “Say Julie, when you act grumpy by frowning and sticking to one word answers to open-ended questions, that keeps us from being as productive as possible.  Sorry you’re having a rough day, really.  We need your contributions, though, so can you soldier on and give us your thoughtful insights, please?”

Focus on behavior instead of attitude and see what happens.

What do you think?

My first boss was fond of saying this: “Most days, we have fun around here.” The first time I heard him say this, it was in my job interview. He followed it up with “…and you can’t say that about most jobs.”

It was my first job, so I took his word for it. He was right, but I think part of the reason he was right was the consistency and relentlessness of his message, and the subtle lifting up of our situation.  By using the words “around here”, he was painting a picture of the organization’s atmosphere/culture/vibe all the time, and it was also a way of controlling the organization’s atmosphere/culture/vibe.  Smart.  And like all smart ideas, worthy of using in other situations.

Right now, I’m the director of the Winterset High School band program.  About six years ago, I started saying variations on “The most important thing we do around here is treat each other with kindness and respect.”  I said it a lot, and put it on written communication from time to time, and eventually it stuck.  It caught on pretty quickly for two reasons:

1) It was basically true most of the time for most people (though not as much as desired).

2) It was a worthy goal that spoke to the needs of the people in the group.

Now, if you visit with any members of the band and say “What’s the most important thing we do in band?”, you will always get the answer “Treat each other with kindness and respect.”

It’s not just a slogan, or a cute bit of indoctrination; it has a positive impact on our culture, and can also be a touchstone for enforcing community standards.  For example, if Tina lets her rough day get the best of her, and she snaps at Laura, I can say “Hey, Tina – I’m sorry you’re having a bad day, but that’s not how we treat each other around here, no matter what.  Is there anything I can do to help you?”  When you add that last part, mean it.  If Tina says “I need time away from everybody,” give it to her.  This is assuming, of course, that this is isolated behavior.  Repeated infractions of “what we do around here” call for a different course of action.

Even things as simple as punctuality or accountability can be put into the culture.  ”Say, Dylan, around here, we show up on time.  Any reason that you’re late that I need to know about?  Are you okay?”  Asking those last two questions indicates that I have faith in Dylan, and that I regard his behavior as the exception, not the rule — I’m assuming the best about him.  ”Hey Tom, when I ask for a report by noon on Thursday, I usually get it by noon on Thursday.  I don’t know about your other experiences, but around here, we respect deadlines.  Anything wrong?  Anything I need to know about why you didn’t get it in?  I want to help…”

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How do you want things to be done around here? Voicing those expectations, using those words, can help bring it to life.  Try it.  I’ve seen it work.  Call, write, or comment if you have a specific situation, and you can’t visualize how it would apply in your situation — I’d love to help.

Recently, I ate breakfast at the Starbucks on 86th in Johnston (Iowa) on my way to a leadership workshop with the Waukee High School Warrior Wrestling program.  As I drank my coffee and prepared the workshop, I would occasionally look off into space.  You know, to think.  But there was a display of funky-cool travel cups right in front of me, and I took a break to walk over and look at them more closely.  (Side note — I’ve been searching the world over for a travel mug that both retains heat very long and is dishwasher safe — if you find one, let me know.  Thanks.)

I picked one up to look at it more closely, and an employee appeared in front of me immediately.

“Do you have any questions about that?”

I didn’t really know what to say, so I took the friendly, yet smart-aleck, approach. “Um, well, does the lid snap on, like this, you know, like every other travel mug?”

She smiled; “I guess it does.”

“Well, then, I guess I’m pretty up-to-speed on it.”

“Cool.  If you need anything, I’ll be right over here.”  And she went back over by the register.

This low-key, but obvious, attentiveness is something I have noticed at this coffee shop before.  I like it.  The employees there meet needs.

I’m sure she knew that I am aware of travel mug basics.  She wanted me to be aware, however, that she was present and willing to help.  Most importantly, she made me feel like I mattered.

I wish all locally owned and operated coffee shops had the consistency of product quality and the near-perfect customer service of the Starbucks on 86th; if they did, I’d patronize them, as I prefer to support local business.

This isn’t a customer service anecdote, it’s a leadership behavior anecdote.  Ken Blanchard, famous for The One-Minute Manager, likes to talk about the great trifecta of the ideal business organization:

-Be the employer of choice.

-Be the investment of choice.

-Be the provider of choice.

It sure looks like the Starbucks on 86th has nailed this.  And it seems to be due, in large part, to every employee at every level acting as a servant leader; that is, meeting the needs of the people around them, both co-workers and customers.  This isn’t just good for customer service and retention (though it sure works on me!); it improves productivity and reduces turnover, just because people are happy at work knowing that they are supported, valued, and empowered.

If there’s a locally owned coffee shop in Des Moines with this kind of spirit, please let me know.  I’d love to check it out!

In a Group Dynamic workshop, we devote a lot of time to the value of modeling — behaving the way we want members of the team to behave.  We also talk about the value of delegation.  There are two big benefits to delegation of tasks:

1. Helping members of the team feel valued, included, and empowered (leading to greater productivity and investment).
2. Delegation frees the leader to do things that require the specialized abilities of the leader.

If we are supposed to model behaviors that we want to see from our team, but we’re also supposed to ensure that our time is well-spent on the things that we are experts on, don’t we run into these two concepts in conflict?

Can you think of an example?